You know what's interesting to me? People, including me, unfortunately, don't get upset about violence, swearing, sex, horror and drugs in movies, for the most part, I mean after all even though Christians don't like to think about this, if the Bible were to be a movie it would probably be NC-17. But when someone states what he believes in the Bible, on A&E, he is immediately suspended and is most likely leaving the show. I am sorry but when a person is fired for what he believes in, when we as a country were partially built on people sticking to what they believe in, or almost any other religion or belief can say or do what they want, I do wonder about this world that we live in. NO judgements. Just wonderments. He even said "I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other." As Christians we need to love everyone as God did. I sometimes wonder about everything that the bible says, but we are to teach about what the bible tells us and we are to love one another as Christ loved us. Not damn people or throw a sinner in the street. "... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" We need to help one another not tear one another down. I don't always act on what I feel because I don't want anyone to hate me and sometimes I do hurt people's feelings, and as soon as I found out, I am not a mind reader, but I do my very best, I apologize. I also do my very best every day to love everyone. I hope you do as well. http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/chi-duck-dynasty-phil-robertson-sounds-off-on-gays-20131218,0,6319736.story

I love my classmates but sometimes they drive me crazy and I am sure it is vice versa. I just don't know what they want from me. I'm either in my head and frustrating them or being me and either they tell me things that get me thinking or I am myself and they just don't like it. I will say this. There are people in my class who I don't know if it matters what I do they just have a problem with me. We were at the mall and a friend of mine brought something up about insulting him buy saying that men don't have good style and I know I apologized for it the second after I knew it offended him, seven months ago when I said it, but whatever. I also know that I NEED someone to buy me a punching bag or I need to buy it myself because if I can't find a way to talk to them as myself and/or have them comfortable around me so if I joke back it's not as though the world has stopped because heaven forbid I joke back with them. I swear as soon as I joke back, people don't think I'm joking. OR they cut me off when I am speaking, and my personal favorite they get upset with me for being uncomfortable but they keep shoving more things for me to be uncomfortable. Like the fact that I used to find a girl attractive in our class, but people keep making fun/teasing so I feel like in order for her to realize I am not attracted to her, I have to avoid her, or not laugh, or anything I can think of but at the same time trying to be friends and not push her away. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and say "I'm not attracted to so and so" or " I am the way that I am because you guys keep talking over me and then when I am loud, 'turn it down ct or ctizzles' I mean I feel like if I give, let's give them nicknames: Angelina Jolie, Winona Ryder, Amy Adams, or Superboy a hug or sit next to them or do anything remotely to show that I care for them as a bud or colleague, or friend, or whatever relationship they want from me, they'll think something of it when it doesn't mean anything or than we're cool, friends, or I am just sitting here it doesn't mean anything. The reason why I am so uncomfortable is because every time I have done something people have thought I liked them or that I was gay or some other thing that made them uncomfortable and so it has made me always uncomfortable. I think if I were to have one wish it would be that I was treated and acted like a normal human being. One who is confident, who can be physical, and other people can feel that they can be physical with me, and knows everything about anything and can start a conversation and just be normal, but I'm not. I wish I were. I wish I could just do exactly the right thing and come across the right way and say the right thing and have people WANT to hang out with me and have the ladies come up to me but I have NO clue how to do that. "Be yourself" I can't tell you how many times people have said that to me and then I listen and they don't like me being me. But you can't learn this people say. Well then how am I supposed to change? Some people think it's so easy to just have people like you. That's because it came naturally to you. If it didn't tell me what you did because I would like nothing more than to stop overthinking and do everything in a way that people like to be around me, but the matter of the fact is, that whether I am in my head or not it doesn't matter people talk to me the same way or worse I talk and I say the wrong thing. I would rather be mute my entire life then say something and hurt their feelings or just say the wrong thing. It may be easy for you guys but it's not. I just try to be myself but the more I just try to be myself the more I feel like people have a problem with me. People wonder why I’m in my head it's cause people have said the exact same things that other people who have gotten me thinking have said and the only way I can think to fix it is to act like what they want from me. I want to be me and they say they want me to be me too, but what makes me who I am are things they don't like when I do it. Maybe they like it when someone else does it. But I guess I just naturally give off the creep, kid, or dick look or response when anything comes out of my mouth. Again, I love them and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, but I just wish that the women and superboy wouldn't be so uncomfortable around me whether or not it is my fault. I do NOT feel I can be myself around them for the most part because as soon as I am, they have something negative to say about it. I am a physical, quirky, over-the-top sometimes, loud, debative, sarcastic, in love with love, and more, kind of a guy but when people tell me no or reject the ideas that I have or things that I ask or say I just want to stop and not say anything, but me not saying anything is being creepy and I don't want to be creepy. If you restrain any person or thing from doing what they want they are either going to give up or struggle against the bondage until they die or are set free. I would pay any price, if I had the money, to just change who I am and be who people want me to be. So, all this to that the only way I can see out of this, is to green light on the rewriting of my bio and act like someone else for the last semester hopefully that will make me a great person to hang out with. Hopefully, if I rewrite the right things it'll get me out of my head and say what will make them comfortable and speak to me like a normal human being and knock it off with the teasing. Let's hope it works. First page is either today or when I get back home I haven't decided. Thank heavens I can set myself free in a day and 14 hours. I need it. BAD. - Christian

P.S. This is a rant. If this upsets anyone I apologize profusely. I love all my classmates and I just want to do whatever it is that I have to in order to be the person they feel comfortable around because being myself and not saying anything just isn't going to work if it did, I would.

P.P.S Please don't respond to this. Again, it's a rant. Unless you have a miraculous way for me to have people be comfortable around me, while I am still being me.

THANK YOU.

I just want to say thank you to EVERYONE at LA and back home for helping me to grow as a person and as an actor, you guys have taught me a lot and still continue to do so. Thank You.  P.S. I'll say this in person, if you would like. - Christian Toth

Sex

It is interesting to me how many people lost their virginity, just to lose their virginity. I have spoken to people who think that I should lose my virginity to somebody who means nothing to me. In fact, most of the people that are within my generation, that I have spoken with, who lost their virginity, did so with a person who never meant anything to them, or maybe they did mean something at the time, but now they have no feelings for the person whatsoever. I do know people who are still in love with the person they lost it to, but that is unhealthy in my opinion, unless of course it is mutual and they were married when they lost their virginity and their intentions are to be with one another for the rest of their lives. That is what i want, when i really think about it. Of course I want to have sex just to have sex, but when I look back on it, I will regret it. The last thing that I want to do is regret having given up my virginity to someone. Why is it that people feel the need to lose their virginity? Just to say they lost it? I mean what is the point of losing something that valuable to a person who means nothing to you? I mean why? That's nothing to brag about. "Hey, I had sex with someone to lose my virginity and it meant absolutely nothing to me! It wasn't good, she wasn't attractive and I am sure I will regret it the rest of my life, but hey! I lost my virginity!" I don't know about anyone else, but when I lose my virginity, I want to not only brag about it, but be happy and mutually in love with the person when we made love, after our wedding. I mean I want to remember that day and not regret it, or say that because of that experience I know what to do or rather what not to do. I want it to mean something to me and to her as well. I mean what it really comes down to is acceptance. People don't want others to poke fun of themselves for not being like everybody else. Forget everybody else. Do what you want to do. I mean I believe in God, so naturally I would say not against what the Holy Bible says which i believe God wrote through his people, but I mean you shouldn't care what the world thinks. Only care about what God thinks about you. You are a wonderful creation to him, but don't do something against what He wants for your life. I am going to go off of the subject a little and speak about what is on my mind. Contradictory to what some people believe, God does not exist to hinder you or tell you everything that you want to do is wrong. He is there to help you and let you know right from wrong. By the way, if anyone thinks that I am exempt or that I don't do anything wrong, that is incorrect. I am in the middle of trying to get rid of my pornography addiction. It is not easy. If there is any Christians who believes they are "above" the sins of others, you need to take a good look in the mirror, pray, read the bible, and ask for help, because we are not perfect without the help of God. We all sometimes need to realize when we are doing what God wants and when we are doing what we want. Many Christians have made Atheists get a leg up because we are not doing the will of God, sometimes. There are so many Christianity battles within the many groups and churches that we forget why we were put on this earth and what Jesus Christ told the disciples to do."'Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. ...and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you: He who has believed and has been baptized shall be saved; but He who has disbelieved shall be condemned. Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and rise again from the dead the third day; and that repentance for the forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in His name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem." When Christians learn to love and speak about the ENTIRE bible, we may see that people will listen. But if we are like everyone else, then why would anyone want to be a Christian. We have such a hard time getting along with people in the church let alone the world. God loves his creation. When we do wrong it is displeasing to God. When we do as we wish there are consequences.  I mean it's because He loves us that He can't allow us to do wrong without a punishment. I mean if a person you love is walking along the edge of a bridge when you told them not to, are you just going to allow them to do that because you them? Or are you going to get them away from the edge and create a punishment for disobeying you? God did not kill or allow people to do die. When someone dies, it is because mankind chose to go against what God wanted and what he had in store for us. Okay, back on topic, I feel that a lot of what we do is based off of what others want from us. That doesn't necessarily mean we do what they want; in fact many times, it is the exact opposite and rebel. Personally, all I want in life is marry the person who loves God, who I love, who loves me. And when I find her, I will marry her and then give up myself to her, with God as number one in both of our lives. Not some girl who means absolutely nothing to me and I can just say that I had sex to have sex. Why would anyone want that for themselves? I believe in God and I believe He has the perfect woman out there for me. I may meet her in 10 hours, 10 days, 10 weeks, 10 months or 10 years, but I know I will meet her because the Scripture says if you delight in the Lord, he will give you the desires of your heart. And my desire is to marry a woman who loves God, who I love, who loves me and to have children with her. I want to wake up beside my future wife every day and fall in love with her over and over again. When I have been married to her for 50+ years, I do not want to regret one second of marrying her, being with her, loving her and and being the first and last person she sees everyday, and vice versa. That is what I want. Not some one night stand.

P.S To any Christian people, if I have said anything that disagrees with what the bible says or if I am saying something that you believe is against God. Please let me know and I will edit it.

Opening Statement

I have decided to post about my life. How I am feeling, my opinions about certain things, or what happened on a specific day. Just to get it out of my head and on to a page because facebook, twitter, and other social medias either don't care or they care too much when really all I want to do is post just to post. Every thing that I post is genuine. I will not lie about anything. You want my honest opinion, how I feel, how I see my day, this is the place to get it. Some people will probably tell me I should just get a journal, but I like publishing. Not so that people know, just because I like to do it. I won't be saying any real names, just in case this actually does go somewhere and people do read this. If you enjoy it, great! Comment! Tell others! If you don't, this blog is not for you. If you disagree on one of my opinions, I love to debate as long as both parties have valid points and can back what they say. But if you're complaining about what I am posting just to complain, find another site, please. If it's just ramble to you that's fine because it's just ramble to me as well. If this seems contradictory, please comment. I hope I can clear it up. If this is blatant and I am coming across as a dick, DO NOT READ THIS BLOG. Maybe this will go somewhere or maybe it won't, but regardless I have to get it out in the open or I just might rip my hair out. If no one ever reads this blog, I am fine with that. I just have certain opinions that I need to publish. Do what you will with it. I may not post anything for a while but I just wanted to start with this post to explain this blog and then begin when I feel need to write. Thanks for reading.  -  Christian Toth